so you'll understand

It's May 26 today.

I have less than a month left here in Toronto, and I'm terrified. A lot of people have told me I still have a so much time, or that I shouldn't be thinking of the day I have to leave -- but as each day passes, my heart grows heavier with the knowledge that I have to leave soon.

I always said that three months was just enough -- long enough to be significant, but short enough not too get too complicated. Unfortunately (or fortunately), we stayed here for four months. Since we got here, I have experienced so many things, met so many wonderful people, and discovered so much about myself.

The truth is, I don't think I will ever be ready to leave.

Leaving means I'll have to wake up from this dream and leave a lot of things behind. Leaving means I have to go back to my old life, the one I had put on hold while I was here. I'm scared that once I go back, all the things I have learned here in Toronto will be lost -- and I'll revert back to living that mundane, dreary existence. After months and months of running away from my inner demons, I know I will finally have to face my fears and make a decision.

I don't want to leave.