tonsillectomy thursday

They'll be taking out my tonsils on Thursday.

When the doctor proposed a tonsillectomy to get rid of my jelly-bean-shaped tonsil, I wasn't too concerned. After all, Jessica Wakefield had it in Sweet Valley Kids and she was able to eat ice cream right after!

I made the mistake of researching about adult tonsillectomies on the internet, though, and now I'm absolutely terrified. Apparently, having a tonsillectomy when you're an adult is waaaaaay more painful than having one as a child -- something to do about your tonsils being more welded to the rest of your body when you're older.

Reading first hand accounts of those who've had tonsillectomies freaked me out further:

• "I thought I would be okay since I've already given birth twice, but this was worse than childbirth!"
• "It hurts. All that you will read is true. It hurts like absolute hell. And…it is going to hurt like hell for a couple of weeks. Swallowing anything is a true challenge. It feels as if you swallowed a jar of tacks, nails and shards of glass. This does not abate."
• And the best one: "You will want to die."

Gulp.

I am seriously, seriously terrified. This is my first surgery, so I don't even know how well my body will react to the anesthesia, bleeding, and the other stuff they do to you during surgery. I pray I'm not one of those 5 out of 100 people who get complications from tonsillectomies.

Tomorrow, I'll be admitted into the hospital for pre-op. It's my last chance to back-out. Do I live with my constant hairball-in-the-throat feeling, or should I go through with the surgery?

Please pray for me.

goodbye, fugly silver canon!

Hello, roaring red Sony Cybershot DSC-W150!

and equally kikay DigiPod! ;)



Thank you, Cheng, for the awesome birthday gift, and thank you, Tsak, for delivering this all the way from Indiana!

what does my handwriting say about me?

I got this off Chasky's blog, and it's amazing how it hit some aspects of my personality right on the spot. I did a handwriting analysis here some years back, but my handwriting has changed quite a bit since then. I used to be this obsessive-compulsive notetaker back in college (think color-coded pens), but now all my notebooks are filled with hasty scribblings, underlines, circles, and arrows all over the page, written using the nearest pen I can grab.

Is it a sign of me growing up, or just a side-effect of my harried lifestyle?

Sheila uses judgment to make decisions. She is ruled by her head, not her heart. She is a cool, collected person who is usually unexpressive emotionally. Some may see her as unemotional. She does have emotions but has no need to express them. She is withdrawn into herself and enjoys being alone.

The circumstances when Sheila does express emotions include: extreme anger, extreme passion, and tremendous stress. If someone gets her mad enough to tell her off, she will not be sorry about it later. She puts a mark in her mind when someone angers her. She keeps track of these marks and when she hits that last mark she will let them know they have gone too far. She is ruled somewhat by self-interest. All her conclusions are made without outside emotional influence. She is very level-headed and will remain calm in an emergency situation. In a situation where other people might get hysterical, she has poise.

Sheila will work more efficiently if given space and time to be alone. She would rather not be surrounded by people constantly. In a relationship, she will show her love by the things she does rather than by the things she says. Saying "I love you" is not a needed routine because she feels her mate should already know. The only exception to this is if she has logically concluded that it is best for her mate to hear her express her love verbally.

Sheila is not subject to emotional appeals. If someone is selling a product to her, they will need to present only the facts. They should present them from a standpoint of her sound judgment. She will not be taken in by an emotional story about someone else. She will meet emergencies without getting hysterical and she will always ask "Is this best for me?"

People that write their letters in an average height and average size are moderate in their ability to interact socially. According to the data input, Sheila doesn't write too large or too small, indicating a balanced ability to be social and interact with others.

Sheila will demand respect and will expect others to treat her with honor and dignity. Sheila believes in her ideas and will expect other people to also respect them. She has a lot of pride.

Sheila is secretive. She has secrets which she does not wish to share with others. She intentionally conceals things about herself. She has a private side that she intends to keep that way, especially concerning certain events in her past.

In reference to Sheila's mental abilities, she has a very investigating and creating mind. She investigates projects rapidly because she is curious about many things. She gets involved in many projects that seem good at the beginning, but she soon must slow down and look at all the angles. She probably gets too many things going at once. When Sheila slows down, then she becomes more creative than before. Since it takes time to be creative, she must slow down to do it. She then decides what projects she has time to finish. Thus she finishes at a slower pace than when she started the project.

She has the best of two kinds of minds. One is the quick investigating mind. The other is the creative mind. Her mind thinks quick and rapidly in the investigative mode. She can learn quicker, investigate more, and think faster. Sheila can then switch into her low gear. When she is in the slower mode, she can be creative, remember longer and stack facts in a logical manner. She is more logical this way and can climb mental mountains with a much better grip.

Sheila is a practical person whose goals are planned, practical, and down to earth. This is typical of people with normal healthy self-esteem. She needs to visualize the end of a project before she starts. she finds joy in anticipation and planning. Notice that I said she plans everything she is going to do, that doesn't necessarily mean things go as planned. Sheila basically feels good about herself. She has a positive self-esteem which contributes to her success. She feels she has the ability to achieve anything she sets her mind to. However, she sets her goals using practicality-- not too "out of reach". She has enough self-confidence to leave a bad situation, yet, she will not take great risks, as they relate to her goals. A good esteem is one key to a happy life. Although there is room for improvement in the confidence catagery, her self-perception is better than average.

Sheila is sarcastic. This is a defense mechanism designed to protect her ego when she feels hurt. She pokes people harder than she gets poked. These sarcastic remarks can be very funny. They can also be harsh, bitter, and caustic at the same time.

Sheila has difficulty trusting anyone. In fact, she trusts no one completely. This is a result of her trust being betrayed in the past. She has closed up, thus ceasing to allow close friendships. Sheila truly wants close friends and desires physical relationships, but she fears she will get hurt, again. She is lonely, yet has a crying need for close friends. This trait can cause much unhappiness. However, it can be changed.

Sheila is selective when picking friends. She does not trust everyone. She has a select group of people that are truly close to her, usually two or three. She is careful when choosing her inner circle of friends.

For a graphologist, the spacing on the page reflects the writer's attitude toward their own world and relationship to things in his or her own space. If the inputted data was correct Sheila has left lots of white space on the all four borders of the paper. Sheila fills up just the center area of the page. If this is true, then Sheila has a particular shyness toward people and a fear of moving too fast in any direction. In some cultures, respecting people, rules, and adhering to protocol are ways of life.

The right side of the page represents the future and the left side represents the past. Sheila seems a bit stuck in the middle, afraid to take action.

Sheila seems to have a fear of looking bad or of crossing boundries. It will be easy to work with Sheila on a team, because Sheila will usually follow the rules. However, this desire to respect the boundries can often be construed as a lack of confidence and people will walk over Sheila if she is not careful.

Source: The Handwriting Wizard

wanderlust

So, late last November, I stumbled onto this video.

This film is dedicated to those who love to travel, those who have never traveled, and those about to travel for the very first time.

It's an ad for Contiki, but there was something in that phrase that had my wanderlust knocking.

So, I decided that this year, I'll finally tour Europe. (This year marks my fifth year working, so I figured it's high time I rewarded myself for all that hard work!)

Join me?

so, what have you been up to?

We are so obsessed with doing that we have no time
and no imagination left for being. -Thomas Merton

"So, what have you been up to?"

It's a common conversation starter, but it's one that always leaves me stumped whenever I try to answer it. Not that I haven't been up to anything -- it's more like I'm not sure whether anything I've done is worth sharing with other people.

Or maybe I just take small talk too seriously.

But, I haven't blogged much over the past year, so I figure maybe I'd be able to come up with something slightly interesting from a year's worth of experiences.

Let's see.

I started over by moving to a new team at work. Spent two days in an airplane to attend a three-day meeting in the UK. Lugged home a giant bag of stroopwafels and cheese from the Amsterdam airport. Rechristened myself as the Dual Maintenance Goddess at the office. Burned out. Got sick. Got better. Taught myself the art of looking like you know what you're talking about, when you're actually clueless as hell. Spent the summer learning how to do a proper freestyle, crawl, and backstroke... plus a not-so-proper butterfly. Sailed around Boracay. Discovered that nothing beats the calm of being in the middle of the sea, with no sound but the wind flapping against your sails. Got sick again. Got better again. Adopted two dogs, Goldie Woldie and Tagpi. Spent a week falling in love with the Japanese culture (and Kobe beef) in Kobe. Mastered the art of cooking something out of any ingredients on hand. Swung by Singapore and relived the Toronto and Montreal turista days with Iris. Lugged home an overweight maleta filled with shoes and Bee Cheng Hiang pork, beef, and chicken jerkies. Worked some more. Discovered a secret recipe for making fall-off-the-bone baby back ribs Swiss Chalet-style. Booked a long-overdue family outing to Bohol, bonding with my mom, dad, and sister over seashells, Chocolate Hills and tarsiers. Kayaked. Discovered the tranquility of lying down in a kayak in the middle of the sea, watching clouds roll by. Took on a project management role at work. Got my hair straightened, then accidentally had it cut to chin length. Fulfilled childhood dreams in Hong Kong Disneyland. Got carpal tunnel syndrome and started wearing a splint. Rekindled my relationship with God. Learned to appreciate the blessings I have and the people around me. Learned to take care of myself.

Fell in love.

Whew.

wala ka sa lola ko

When I was young, I had all these children's books that depicted grandmothers as little old ladies with sweet little smiles and eyeglasses perched on the tips of their nose, carrying a basket of freshly baked cookies and knitting sweaters for their grandchildren.

I always thought I was losing out on something because my lola is nothing of that sort.

Now that I'm older, though, I've come to appreciate the fact that I have such a groovy grandmother. She's a not-so-little old lady with a sweet little smile, who calls J. Lo "Jello", has an addiction to Koreanovelas, has a crush on Marc Nelson, and encourages me to "collect and collect then select!" men.

She's been in the hospital for over a month now, bedridden due to complications with her recent surgery. Dreariness of the situation aside, visits to my lola always gives me a good laugh.

Last Sunday, my sister and I walked into her hospital room to find her talking to a nurse:

Lola: Sigurado ka ba diyan sa gamot ko? Baka mamaya masakit yan ha!
Nurse: Opo, Lola! Hindi masakit to, araw araw naman kita binibigyan nito e.
Lola: Sigurado ka ha, pag masakit yan sisipain kita!
Nurse: Okay lang, lola, basta po left leg yung gamitin niyo ha! (my lola can't move her left leg yet due to her surgery)
Lola: (thinks, then frowns) Ay ang daya mo!!!! (brandishes her fist) Susuntukin na lang kita! diyan e! When I get well... I will come back for you!

Yep, that's my grandma. Bedridden but still feisty as hell.

Now, you can't get 81-year-old lolas like that anywhere.

pop out the champagne!

So... I thought I'd come back from hibernation to greet everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

I hope 2007 was as wonderful for you as it was for me. My year wasn't quite like anything I expected -- but in the end, it was everything I needed and more. I realize I just needed a good jolt to my belief systems to get me back on track to achieving the goals that really matter to me.

2008 is just around the corner, and it promises to be as eventful as this year was! Cheers to another wonderful year!

Be safe this new year, everyone!

missing the action

On the front page of the International Herald Tribune on November 30, 2007:
Mutiny is quelled in Manila luxury hotel Filipino police officers taking cover behind an armored
personnel carrier that was used to crash upon the doors of a five-star hotel and end a mutiny.

I was in Japan when it happened.

I learned about it in the midst of our farewell dinner, while I was happily sampling glasses of champagne, sake, and green tea cheesecakes. I suppose I should have been scared or shocked, but instead I only found the news mildly amusing.

Strangely enough, the last time something like this happened in the Philippines, I had been in Toronto. I had turned on the telly to see tanks driving along Manila's streets, and soldiers walking around with machine guns. From that vantage point, Manila seemed like a terrifying place to live in.

I made a panicked call back home, only to find out that everything was normal. No one was rushing home, some people were even going out for dinner. Despite the fact that apparently tanks were patrolling the streets.

Oh, what being a Filipino can do to you.

Nothing will faze you anymore.

cold kobe nights

surreal kobe at night
[meriken park, kobe, japan]

yellow light

I miss time.

One of the things, perhaps, that made me so happy when I was living in Toronto was that I had time. Maybe it was the 9 to 5 schedule, or the late sunsets, but for a moment there, I had something I hadn't given myself in such a long while.

Time.

Nowadays I have fallen back into my normal routine. I wake up with puffy eyes complaining of lack of sleep, yet I'm ironically late for my entire day. I rush to work, downing a thermos of juice or a hastily-made sandwich with my right hand as my left haphazardly navigates my car throught the madness of traffic. On stoplights, I try to squeeze in a text message to someone at work, or prepare my parking fee so I can speed through the parking booth. I rush through the rest of my day, juggling Sametimes and meetings and emails and people who stop by my cube. I stop only for an hour to run the rest of my non-work errands and to gulp down the next meal I can catch. Most of my meals recently have been sushi because... well... I can eat it in six bites and get on with the rest of my day.

My life has become toxic, and it's out of control.

Because acceptance is the first step of recovery, I am writing that down here.

I know this lifestyle is bound to kill me -- not just because of the stress of always being in a hurry, but because I know it will make me miss out on the good things. I have always been the type of person who likes to live life slowly. I stop to watch sunsets, or to feel a breeze rippling through the air. I stay in my car long after I've parked to finish listening to a song I like. I eat my ice cream with my spoon facing downwards so I can taste the sweetness of the ice cream and feel the tingling coldness as it melts on my tongue. I take long walks so I can feel the sun warming my face, or the night wind calming my nerves. I sit on park benches for hours so I can watch everyone scurrying along while my time stands still.

Simple things, but countless moments of introspection have made me realize that it's these moments that make me happy.

I want to live my life in slow motion.

I need to live my life in slow motion, because that's what makes me feel grounded. I need to stop for the little things, no matter how strange or illogical it may seem for others. I've stopped trying to do what people expect me to do. We all have different standards and different definitions of happiness, and I have chosen to define mine in the most simple manner I can.

Because living a life miserable and unhappy is living a life unfulfilled.

I don't know where to begin, and I know I am a long way from living the quality of life I yearn for, but I know this. I need to start making time for the most important thing in my life.

Myself.

Full speed ahead for that one.

the red day

perya sa metrowalk

I have curly hair.

For the longest time, I hated it -- it was dry, frizzy, and unruly. I spent my childhood dreaming of having straight hair, but no matter how many hair products & treatments I tried, my hair just seemed to have a mind of its own.

Now that I'm older, I've learned to embrace my curly hair. Unfortunately, most salons haven't -- the minute I walk into a salon, there is always someone trying to convince me to straighten my hair. An hour or so of annoying salestalk later, they try a last attempt to convert me by insisting on blow-drying my hair straight. Which I absolutely detest. With hair as curly as mine, blow-drying my hair straight means ending up with: a) my hair pulled out of my scalp by attempts to brush out the kinks; and b) my scalp burning from the amount of time spent under the blow dryer.

So I was pleasantly surprised when I walked into the Azta Urban Salon at Metrowalk and didn't get a single comment about straightening my hair. Not only that, they actually knew how to handle curly hair -- from the wide-toothed comb they ran through my hair and the diffuser used to dry it. Hallelujah! I totally digged that squeeze bottle shampoo and the Davines hair color, too!

I walked out of that salon with a spring in my step and even more spring in my curls! :)

***

In case you haven't been to Metrowalk recently, do check out their urban take on the traditional perya. (Did you know that Metrowalk was built over what was previously the Payanig sa Pasig?) Win your girlfriend (or boyfriend) a stuffed toy by tossing coins on a table, shooting hoops, hammering all your stress away, tossing rings over bottles, and riding a bull cowboy-style. Kulang na lang cotton candy! Weee!

*Azta Urban Salon has branches at Metrowalk (2nd Level, Metrowalk Commercial Complex, Meralco Avenue, Pasig), Katipunan (2nd Level, SMRC Building, Katipunan Ave., Loyola Heights, Quezon City (in front of Miriam College)), Robinsons Metroeast (Body Senses, 4th Level, Robinsons Metroeast, Marcos Highway, Pasig) and Eastwood City (2nd Level, City Walk 2, Eastwood City, Libis (above Starbucks and A Different Bookstore)).

the best thing about travelling...

... is all the delicious food you get to bring home!


[stroopwafels from holland & coffee from germany]

going brit

Newcastle-Upon-Tyne.

It's one of those places I'd never dreamed of going to -- or, more accurately, one of those places I didn't even know existed until I started working for my company. Such a fancy name as Newcastle-Upon-Tyne had to belong up there in my schoolbooks, along with Stratford Upon Avon and other Shakespeare-y things.

But, the new year surprised me with a new team and a whirlwind trip to the UK, so I found myself on a 6-day trip (two days on an airplane, three days at work, and one day exploring the city) to that tiny city called Newcastle that sits upon the river Tyne.

It's a place where speaking English doesn't guarantee you'll understand what people are saying, you can catch a cab at the taxi rank, excuse yourself to go to the loo/toilet (why does the phrase "where are the toilets?" sound so crass in the Philippines yet so refined in Britain?) and shop at high streets.

Oh, and did I mention aisles upon aisles of Marks & Spencer food products? I had a field day choosing which sweets to buy. ;)

Such a lovely town.

caught in a moment